While growing up I didn't have much of a luxury to have a stay at home mom, or a mom who was able to take us places, or even have time to sit down and play with us or interact with us. I had a single mom who needed to work all the time and never had enough money to take us anywhere. This really made me sad. I wished I had that growing up, especially with witnessing my friends and all the kids around me having their parents a big part of their lives.
I had always said to myself that whenever I were to have my own children that I would make it different and they would get what I didn't have. So for the past month or so or really even since I became pregnant with Dagney I have been making my choices in the best interest of him. Well in the last month I keep worrying my head off if I am saying "I love you" enough, interacting with him enough and just all around being there and having him notice I am there. I know, what a stupid thing to worry over, but seriously for some reason it is eating me up inside. I don't ever want him to feel or through what I had growing up so I am trying so hard, maybe too hard to not let that happen and in tern I make myself go crazy! Who worries about this stuff? Is it normal?
I guess plane and simple I worried I am going to screw up and not do a very good job at raising Dagney. I know there are going to be bumps in the road where I make choices that I think are good at that time that might not be in the long run, but I just don't want him to have what I have or becoming how my mother was/is and not be able to be there for him as much as I think I should be.
Again, I set these expectations for myself that are maybe unrealistic and then I panic and judge myself to no end. Why do I do this to myself?
you do it because you're a good mom! i think mom guilt comes standard with the job title :)
ReplyDeleteYou are a great mom and always will be :)
ReplyDeleteYou're a great mom, Megan. I know deep down you know this, and just having you for a mom, he's already a million times better off! He's going to look back on his life, and be so thankful for you & Dustin, and have great memories, and just FEEL loved.
ReplyDeleteNo need to judge yourself, or panic!! But I guess that's normal anyways though!
Just keep doing what you're doing!
Whenever I see his happy smile on youtube, I always think "he's one lucky baby" :).