I seriously give up. I just want to run away and never come back. Everyone keeps telling me it gets easier, but when the heck does it get easier? I find I keep feeling even more lonely then I was before. Having no one around to talk to, hang out with is really getting to me. They say being social with a friend gives you the same feeling you would get if you won a million dollars. Maybe I am cheesy for saying this, but I want that. My life consists of me, Dagney and Dustin. I don't have friends here, none! I go out with Dagney during the week and on weekends its with Dustin. So really getting my lisence would only make getting to doctors appointments more convenient. What is wrong with me? Seriously! I have been asking this question every since I was a young kid. First my dad doesn't even care to have me in his life and then my mother was barely around because she was always working. I had my Grandmother, but even now I don't. I don't really have any of my family around, which is sad.
I am just so darn tired of this feeling. I am tired of it all. No one understands either.
I have joined a moms group and that is more so for Dagney to get the socialization since he needs it, but I never feel like I fit in those groups. They are all so different then me. They can go out and do stuff, talk about taking trips, clothes they buy etc and I just sit there with nothing to contribute to because I simply am boring and have no life other then Dagney.
And then lets talking about PPD. Oh isn't it grand. The lack of sleep is really making it kick in full force again. I havve a short temper, my patience has worn thin and I find myself getting really frustrated with Dagney and then snapping and then I feel like such a failure of a parent.
I just want to run away and never come back.
Hun, I had PPD with my first and I know whole heatedly what you are going through. My daughter had colic and it pushed everyone away. My friends thought I was crazy for having a baby at 20, my family couldnt handle a crying baby all the time and my DH worked 80hrs a week. I was losing my mind!! I had NO ONE! Fine.. I had my child, but I needed someone to talk to who didnt puke and drool all over me! Are you able to join a yoga class? Relaxation and quiet time? I wish I had perfect words of wisdom.. but I dont. For me it got better when I went back to work.. I had a sense of purpose and adult interaction. I also had the same feelings of failure as a parent.. looking back.. (she is now 9).. nothing could be further from the truth! I got up every morning and loved and took great care of her, I woke up every 2 hours for a year and rocked her back to sleep.. You are a GREAT mother.. and You WILL get through this! xo
ReplyDeleteAwe big hugs Megan!!! So sorry to hear all of this... I know since i dont truly understand i can not give good advice, and i wish i could... before Dagney was aruond, and before you were pregnant what did you do ??? where there any activities you could do with the babes now as well??? :D Hugs lady you are doing great and will get through all of this!
ReplyDeleteaww Megan! I can totally relate! I also went to playgroups but like you I really didn't feel like I fit in. I have a few friends (that live far away) but I for sure don't have any that I feel like I can just call up anytime or just go hang out with at any time. It also doesn't help that Lee has been working until 8pm every night and working saturdays! No break for me! I can also REALLY relate to "my patience has worn thin" I snapped at Chelsea the other day... she cried and then I felt SO guilty! :(
ReplyDelete