Through out my son, Dagney's 4.5 years of life I have always questioned my parenting being a cause for his struggles and even more so once we got the final diagnoses of his diagnoses of Autism Spectrum Disorder- high functioning. A lot have gone through my mind of what could have caused it.
Was it my genes?
Was it during birth when his heart rate dropped so low for a long time?
Was it all those times he stopped breathing as a result of his severe reflux?
Was it a result of all the tests he was put through as a baby? Ultrasounds, x rays, meckal scan, blood work.
Was it caused by my lack of connection, because I struggled with Post Partum Depression?
Was it because he struggled with colic?
I realize now that my guilt for my son's struggles is not going to help. It isn't going to accomplish anything, but feel sad and heartbroken over it. And even if I did know what exactly caused it, it wouldn't change anything. It is not like I can reverse it either and fix it.
I need to look ahead. Look for resources and community support to help him and our family. Make sure he has the best ability to thrive in his life and
give us the tools to help him.
So no more guilt rid thoughts and finding a way to blame something I have done.
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