I have been doing a lot of thinking as of lately and I thought I would jot them down in my blog and get them out of my mind so I am not running in circles.
You know that hard decision whether to expand your family or keep it the same size. I new before having Dagney in my heart I had hoped to have three children of my own and once Dagney was born that thought still stuck with me. Well now after having Avalon, our second child in my heart I still had that inkling feeling of a third, but I new I could not be pregnant for at least another 3-5 years. Now I know you are asking why, right? Here are most of the reasons.
1~ I NEED to nurture myself, deal with my anxiety and depression and get my body back to being healthy.
2~ I NEED to be free of (this will sound completely selfish as I am sure most things do) having my body controlled by someone else. Pregnancy is 9 months and it restricts me A LOT and I just weaned from exclusively pumping. I am free again or WE are free again to come and go when we please and aren't restricted nor am I on a timer for when I need to pump next and it feels great to have that freedom for myself and my children back.
3~ I NEED to spend time one of one with Avalon. I personally felt Dagney lost out on that and so did I when I was pregnant with Avalon and when she was a baby. Dagney will be starting school in September, which means almost all of my time during the day will be devoted to her and I to bond. We will be missing Dagney though!
4~ Financially we can not care for a third child. We are already penny pinching as it is right now with two.
5~ Vehicle. We have a small hatch back car that is big enough for the four of us, but would not be big enough if we were a 5 person family so in 3 years our vehicle will be paid off and we hope to purchase a bigger vehicle.
6~ I want Avalon to be in school if and when we have a third so I can deal with just the baby during the day instead of two again. My babies seem to be VERY colicky and have sever reflux which restricts me from really doing much at all and I want to minimize my other children to have to be around a crying baby. It's not a fun situation for anyone to be in and I am sure those that have had a colicky, reflux baby completely understand.
Now I know some if not all of these reasons may not be the same as you or you wouldn't let those get in the way of expanding your family, but it is something myself and my husband both feel strongly about.
On to another thing. We aren't even sure we WILL have a third in 3-5 years either.
The thought of another potential c-section gives me much sadness, even though I hope to have a vaginal birth . The thought of struggling with breastfeeding as I did with both of my other two and than really feeling the strain from exclusively pumping and it's effects not only on me, but the rest of our family.And then there is me wanting to get my high school diploma, go to college and have a career. I know some are capable of doing this with having a baby, but I rather not have to juggle it all while I am trying to focus on schooling. I want to succeed and for me and how I learn(I am a VERY slow learner) I need all the time I can get to devote to school.
So for now we are not expanding our family anytime soon and making sure it is prevented. I am content with this decision for now and I am ready to enjoy our family of four!
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